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8:32 am - Tue 6 Jan 2009

« TMI- Too Much Information!

Lack of Leadership Exposed! »

Mr. Happypants Gets Fired!

by Larry Poyner

One company I worked with for a few years had an annual meeting where all the sales and unit managers from around the country were flown in for the event. These events are generally to announce things such as the state of the business, the goals and direction for the New Year, and to give out awards for exceptional performance.

As with many of these types of events, there are social events planned as well. Many of these have included open bars. Yes, an invitation for normally professional people to get really stupid and make poor judgments. This particular event was no different.

An open bar in the hotel lobby was the “after dinner cocktail party.” As the drinks flowed freely and the evening wore on, the behavior became more rambunctious. One gentleman, and I use the term loosely, disappeared to his room and later re-appeared in the lobby in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He proceeded to entertain the “troops” by dancing around and showing his, ahem, “assets” to various onlookers. At one point he felt the need to show his “member” to some of the women nearby. Some had a good laugh, perhaps for his shortcomings. Others were not so amused.

Eventually, the situation resulted in an HR investigation resulting from a complaint from one of the ladies in attendance. The flasher was terminated for his action. However, that was not the end of it. He counter filed for wrongful termination. His reasoning? It was not his penis he revealed to the ladies. So, you might ask, “If it was not his penis, whose was it?” According to him, it was not a penis at all, but he had simply reached his hand down the front of his shorts and extended his thumb through the opening. Plausible story, you might say.

While it may have been a believable substitution for sneaking out Mr. Happy, one of the witnesses’ testimony was so powerful, it makes it hard to defend against. It went something like this:

“Ms. Appalled, Mr. Happypants (names changed to protect their identity) states that he did dance around the lobby in his boxer shorts, but insists that he never showed his penis. He simply reached down the front of his shorts and extended his thumb through the opening to simulate the act. Is this how you saw it?”

Ms Appalled, dressed in a conservative business suit, her graying hair pulled back in a tight little bun, leans forward to the microphone. With her horned rim bifocals on the end of her nose, she peeks over the top of them and firmly states, “I am 52 years old. I have been married to the same man for 30 years. We have four sons, no daughters. We have three grandsons, no granddaughters. I know what a thumb looks like and that was no thumb!”

Game, set, match. Mr. Happypants did not get his job back. Rumor has it he is working on a finger puppet video he hopes to put on YouTube where he may find a new market for his thumb!

Posted in Funny Experiences

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One Response to 'Mr. Happypants Gets Fired!'

Cindy P. - April 10th, 2008 at 10:54 am
This was hysterical! Very well written! Kudos!

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